Tuesday, November 19, 2013

An Announcement with Perspective

Ryan and I are so HAPPY to announce that we are expecting the FINAL Holguin family member to be here at the end of April!


Most couples go through marriage counseling before the big day.  We were no different and one of the questions was "how many kids do you want?" My answer was 4. Ryan came from a family of 5. I am from a family of 3. 4 seems like the perfect number.

When I was pregnant with the triplets and the expense of raising three kids at once was looming, I thought maybe we need to be done at 3.  But with the passing of Karissa, I knew our family was not done. When we had Jacob, the conversations started on how long do we wait to have the 4th. We didn't want to wait too long with the chance of it being a 4th boy because we didn't want a cluster of 3 boys close in age and then this fourth boy several years younger.  So we decided to start trying after the first of the year 2014.  Well the Lord saw our family a little differently than we did! SURPRISE pregnancy 6 months sooner than we had "planned". I believe the specific words I used were "I'm not ready for another one!" But then I thought back to just 4 short years ago and how desperate I was to be a mom and now I am soon-to-be-the-mother of 4. What a blessing in disguise this pregnancy has been.  The timing of it actually couldn't be better.  AND it IS a boy! So he will be nice and close to his older brothers.

We purposefully kept the pregnancy a secret until we knew what the gender was because honestly I hate hearing "are you trying for a girl?" "Are you hoping for a girl" It has been a long few months waiting for the ultrasound to find out what we are having. As much as I didn't want these thoughts running through my head, I did find myself thinking: Will I get to raise a daughter like I had thought I was going to for 7 months carrying the triplets?  Will I get to use the three bins of girls clothes, bedding and blankets I have stored away and kept for the possible future?

The Lord really knows what he is doing. We are meant to raise 4 boys.  And our baby girl was blessed to skip life on Earth and go straight to a place so wonderful we can't even imagine.

I'm not going to lie, I cried when we found out this one was a boy. But I want to get something straight. We were NOT trying for a girl (just FYI there is no scientific proof that you can try for a specific gender so that is the stupidest question people ask!) Anyway.... We wanted 4 children regardless of their gender.  My tears were not sad tears. I think this just stirs up feelings of mourning the loss of my daughter all over again, because there is now no reason to hang onto her things when someone else can get use out of them.
because I will now hear for the rest of my life "only boys huh?" and that's going to hurt because I DID have a girl.
and because the only sister my boys have is not here living life with them.
I am in NO WAY sad that we are having a boy!


Disappointed?? Maybe a little at first. But I had my moment....and then I gained perspective....

I know what it is like to struggle to conceive.  We did NOT struggle to conceive this one!!
I know what it is like to deliver a stillborn so I know there are FAR MORE IMPORTANT things than gender....like a thriving healthy baby.
I know this baby has all of his fingers and toes, he has a brain, he looks healthy and normal on the ultrasound. So far so good.
I know if we had to chose between 4 boys and 4 girls we would definitely pick 4 boys! No drama queen kiddos and pms-ing teenagers here!
I know I can come up with a huge list of why raising boys is better/easier than raising girls (but then, I'm sure a mom of all girls could come up with a list just as long with the opposing side) so there really is no better gender to raise, one way or the other.
I know I will love this boy and wouldn't want him any other way
I know that we are done having kiddos (will be making surgical alterations to prevent another pregnancy) so I will CHERISH this experience because it is my last.
I know that we won't have to buy expensive prom dresses or pay for weddings!
I know that a woman who can't have children would trade places with me in a heartbeat
I know that people will feel sorry for me.....and that's their problem not mine
I know that from the outside I will look like a mom of all boys but I know in my heart that is not true
I know that we make some pretty cute boys and this one will be no different
I know that I will be blessed with 4 future daughter-in-laws someday
I know that we need a bigger pantry
I know that I will be the Queen of this house
I know that Jacob now has a brother to share a room with like Vincent and Landen share a room.
I know that Ryan is the best dad and we both look forward to saturdays at the sports park
I know that our boys will have a memorable childhood
I know that we are soooo looking forward to meeting our littlest little man

I know that we are blessed

oh....and watch out for year 2028.  We will have two seniors, a junior and a freshman. 4 Holguins on one high school campus!


2 comments:

  1. Heidi, I am so happy for you and Ryan! I love that God likes to laugh at "our" plans and instead of what we want, he gives us what we need. There is a reason that God made you a mom to four boys and one beautiful baby girl in heaven. It's beyond me to even begin to understand why he chose you and Ryan for this path. But I trust in him. I find myself thinking of you and Karissa frequently. While no mom should ever have to bury her child, God prepared you and walked you through it. And because of that, you have this amazing testimony of faith in God. I am constantly in awe of your grace and how you have chosen to trust in God everyday. You are an amazing mom and all 5 of your babies are beyond lucky to call you Mommy. Congratulations!!!

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  2. Congratulations!! Can't wait till the new baby boy is here and we start seeing pictures and hearing of his antics!! You and Ryan are wonderful parents and your boys are just adorable and make me laugh!!

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