Friday, March 22, 2013

Working on me (...and the house)

WHAT?! A post that's not about my 3 kiddos? Shocking...I know!

Over the past 6 or so months, I have been really working on me. Besides working on my physique,  I have also been working on my spirit and attitude.  I would describe myself as being HUGELY affected by the view and opinions of others. (My closest friends and family would agree to that! Can I get an ummm? yes!) And this is not a good attribute to have especially in this age of social media.  I can see so much more that is going on around me than I ever was able to pre-facebook, pre-instagram, pre-pinterest. I can see where friends check-in for their workout, or what the celebrity that I'm following on IG had for breakfast, or the immaculate house an old highschool classmate lives in....thinking wow...she must have a lot of money...I wonder what her husband does? When in all honesty, without facebook, I wouldn't even know that she was married or that she had a house!  And hey, I'm not trash talkin' social media, I am a self proclaim instagram addict....okay facebook too.  And surprisingly not so much of an addict of pinterest, I'm sure it's only a matter of time. And because of this blog, some of you reading it, know things about me that you would never know otherwise, because you probably won't ever step one foot in my house but you know that I have linoleum in my kitchen and my furniture is mostly black (if you pay attention to the pictures I post). I blog because it is a fast and easy way to document life. Not only for me but for my family, especially those who aren't close enough to experience it with us in person.  I follow other people's blogs. Some of whom I have never met. But their words encourage me and inspire me but can also lead to less than appealing feelings like low self worth or a longing for things that I don't have and might not even have known I wanted until I saw it on a blog. So with that said, after having a third boy (And having three boys is relevant to some of the points I'm making) I have taken a step back and re-evaluated what is really important and how my out look affects not only me but my family as well.  

A few things I have been pondering....

Yes, it would have been nice to have had the opportunity to raise Karissa and have the experience of having a little girl...but I think of families who struggle to have a child period. Empty homes that would die to have three little boys of their own....gender?...who cares!..they want A BABY.

Yes, poor me, I had to bury my daughter and experience a loss that caused more pain than I can ever describe. A pain that is brought up so unintentionally by friends and strangers with a simple question "are you going to try for a girl?"...but I think of how many people who have lost far more than I could ever imagine. ALL of their children in a single car accident??  More than one stillborn?? A child who they invested time and patience, morals and education, only to be taken from them at an early age of ten from an ugly disease??

Yes, I would love a bigger, prettier customized home....but I think even though there are so many people who have a bigger house than me, how many people have homes smaller than mine? maybe they can't afford a home? how many people are homeless? What really makes a home, a home?

Yes, I would love a job that doesn't require me to work weekends...but I think of how many people would love to have a job period or the opportunity to work only part time and still be home to raise their kids.

Yes, I would love to lose thirty pounds and losing this weight is hard...but I think even though there are thousands of people thinner than me there are that many who are larger than me, the point is I need to focus on me and be happy with the body I am currently in and not always focusing on the one I wish I had.

Yes, I would love to be physically fit....but I think even though I can't quite run a 5k, I am working on it.  There are thousands of people who can run longer than me and lift more than me but there are also thousands of people who can't. And maybe the reason why they can't isn't even their fault or in their control. Maybe they are wheelchair bound and would love to WALK a mile, let alone run it. So I'm going to be proud of my 2 miles...and work towards my 3 and I will acknowledge the crossfit-PR posts and half-marathon-finish-line-pictures on FB as a celebration for them but NOT a comparison for me. 

What I document on FB, IG and my blog are my memories of life.  What I want to remember and cherish.  Do I have moments of frustration? You bet! Do I have moments I fall apart? YES! Is my house a mess 80% of the time? For sure!!  Am I perfect? Far from it.  Do I need to take a step back sometime and get a little perspective in life? Sometime?! how about ALL the time!  But I'm choosing to use social media as an encourager and means for celebration rather than criticism and comparison. I am a work in progress and NEED the Lord's help constantly.  I hope some of my thoughts encourage you reflect on what you make important in your life or thoughts through out the day.

Now after previously stating that I am not a pinterst addict....Here is a quote I pinned on pinterest ;)

"Never let the things you WANT. Make you forget the things you HAVE."

The Lord has blessed me and I'm working hard at not forgetting that, always thanking him and making time to cherish all those blessings

I have a Godly husband
I have have 3 healthy boys
I have a home
I have my health and the determination to improve it
I have a family who loves me and I love them

Everything else is just fluff. Just life. And really not all that important.

With ALL of that said. I wanted to document some of the House things we have been working on.

With all the low interest rates being offered and several friends upgrading to larger homes. Ryan and I have had THAT discussion. Do you want to move to a bigger house? Can you see us raising the boys here?  If we had another baby would we still fit in this home?  We agree that this is our home. Bigger is not always better and until the Lord leads us elsewhere, we are staying put.  I hope our boys make a lot of fun memories here.   
We have lived in our home coming up on 4 years now. Every year we have enjoyed doing little projects here and there to give this house a little stamp of our style. We are slowly making our house our home.  These are some of the projects we have been working on this winter:

I completed a project in Jacob's nursery...these pictures have been hung for months but I re-did the ribbon. AND I've kept up with not only taking Jacob's monthly pictures but also printing them out and putting them up on his bulletin board. He is growing way too fast!

(We didn't really have anything to do with this project) My DAD did ALL of the work. He put in new shelves in my pantry. I wish I had a before picture. Basically it had 5 shelves that were spaced too far apart. Now I have 8 sturdier shelves! **I love that I can look back on project pictures and see how old the boys were when we did that particular project. This is Vincent man checking out Grandpa's work at the age of 2.**

Ryan's recliner chair made out of faux leather obviously did not handle wear very well. We have only had this chair for 3 years and the top cushion was looking hideous! And I was finding small pieces of "leather" every where around the house. So with the help of my seamstress Mom, we fixed the problem! Wha-la!

For pretty much the entire month of January, Ryan and his Dad worked on installing electrical wiring to our patio.  They put up three ceiling fans (going to be loving those in the heat of the summer!) He installed a spot light for his BBQ, an outdoor TV (ridiculous...I know), christmas lights around the perimeter, a sound system and some electrical outlets.  Since completion, our family has already enjoyed many evening dinners outside on our well lit patio!

Watchin' TV and grillin' burgers with his boys
One of the projects we did the first year we lived in this house was a project we describe as "the retaining wall that our marriage survived"  To say I'm a perfectionist is an understatement. And working on projects around the house take patience and compromise. Ryan and I tested each other ALOT during this project. I never appreciated that time more than I did the other night when I watched our son play with his cars on the very wall that tested our marriage and made it stronger.  Ryan and I were a team back then and we are a stronger team now!

I wanted to say just one more thing....When the busy-ness of life gets to you, stop worrying about having the most updated wardrobe, whether your kid is potty trained by a certain age or reaching any milestone at a certain age for that matter, or how many activities you can cram into your schedule...focus on what is really important in life. What is being celebrated at this very time. Easter is upon us. Our very reason for living. He is Risen....tell the world.

Banner made by KK designs


  1. Great Post! Love the backyard! You guys did a great job and I know your whole point of the points is to be content but MAN I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE YOUR PANTRY!!!!! :0)

    1. Too funny Leslie...You may just have a bigger and nicer one someday!

  2. I just loved reading this post Heidi! Thank you for that. I loved reading your heart and relating so much to it.

  3. Love this post! And I'm constantly in awe of you and your grace. How you handle you 3 boys Amazes me. I think as moms, we need to remember to encourage each other and not play that game of who did what and who did it better. We all have our own individual strengths and God definitely gave them to us with purpose. Thank you for the awesome inspiration and I am totally impressed with all your house improvements! That electrical business is legit. Go Ryan! You are a beautiful person, inside and out and I think you are awesome!!